![]() When a person dies from something controversial, Doka says, that's called a "disenfranchising death." The term refers to a death that people don't feel comfortable talking openly about due to social norms.ĭoka pioneered the concept in the 1980s, along with a related concept: "disenfranchised grief." This occurs when mourners feel they don't have the right to express their loss openly or fully because of the cultural stigma about how the person died. ![]() ![]() Refusing to face the truth about what killed a family or community member can make the grieving process much harder, according to Ken Doka, who works for the Hospice Foundation of America and has written books about aging, dying, grief and end-of-life care. Kuhn says some families who lose loved ones to COVID-19 want to share that information, while others want to keep it secret. Mike Kuhn stands outside one of his funeral homes in West Reading, Pa. But the request shows how badly some people want to minimize the role of the virus in a loved one's death. Death certificates are official state documents, so Kuhn couldn't make that change even if he wanted to so. Some families wanted to have their loved one's official death certificate changed so that COVID-19 was not listed as the cause of death, Kuhn adds. "You know, I've had people say, 'My mother or my father was going to die, probably in the next year or two anyway, and they were in a nursing home, and then they got COVID, and you know, I don't really want to give a lot of credence to COVID,' " Kuhn says. He says about half of those families asked that COVID-19 not be mentioned in obituaries or death notices. Kuhn's business did not handle Kyle Dixon's funeral, but over the course of the pandemic his chain of three funeral homes has helped bury hundreds of people who died from the coronavirus. While these sisters have chosen to be outspoken about what happened, other families have opted to keep quiet about deaths from COVID-19, according to Mike Kuhn, a funeral director in Reading, Pa. The notice also included a warning that the virus is real and can kill. It reads, "Kyle had so much more of life to live and COVID-19 stopped his bright future." Like, that was the last birthday in September we got to celebrate with him."ĭixon was in intensive care at Geisinger Medical Center in Danville, Pa., before his death in January.īoth sisters wanted their brother's death notice to be unambiguous about what had killed him. "I'll never get to be at his wedding," Rimel says. His older sister Stephanie Rimel is overwhelmed with emotion as she walks through Dixon's home and talks about him. ![]() The grass that he used to mow has grown tall in his absence.Īnd on the kitchen counter, there are still bottles of the over-the-counter cough medicine he took to try to ease his symptoms at home as COVID-19 began to destroy his lungs.ĭixon was a guard at a nearby state prison here in rural, conservative Clearfield County, Pa. His tent and hiking boots sit on the porch where he last put them. Months after Kyle Dixon died, his old house in Lanse, Pa., is still full of reminders of a life cut short. ![]() She says that during his illness and after his death, some people made insensitive comments or denied the pandemic's reality.Įditor's note: A photo in this story contains language that some may find offensive. Stephanie Rimel looks at a photo of her brother Kyle Dixon, 27, who died of COVID-19 on Jan. ![]()
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